31.5 Week Update

I haven't written lately because of any or all of the following reasons:

• I was too tired.
• I was sleeping.
• I couldn't think.
• I forgot what I wanted to write about.
• I was crying for no apparent reason. 
• I was thinking about doing housework.
• I was too stinking tired.
• I didn't want to bend over to get the computer.
• ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.

What? I dozed off there for a minute.
I have about 8 weeks left to cook this kid before he's all done. I have exact equal feelings of, "Wow, only 8 weeks? I'm not ready. That's really soon." AND "Oh my gosh, I have to waddle around like a cow and function like this for 8 more weeks?! I'll never make it that long!"
It takes so much energy to do anything right now. And I have to go back to work in a week and a half. To my coworkers: I thank you in advance for your understanding. I am going to do my best, though my best is not that great at the moment.  To my students: please be nice. That is all.
I'm enjoying these last weeks of pregnancy as best I can. I have equal feelings as well about this possibly being my last time pregnant. (To answer everyone's question, we haven't decided it this is it or not. We'll see. And on a side note, why is everyone obsessed with asking that? I know you're curious, but keep it to yourself. It's kind of weird.) On one hand, telling me this is the last time I'll be pregnant is like, "Aww, I'll miss the feeling of life growing inside." On the other hand it's like, "THANK YOU! I'M MISERABLE!"
While I am overwhelmingly grateful to be a part of this miracle and would not trade it for the world, anyone who tells you pregnancy is wonderful is LYING. Or more likely, suffering from selective memory loss. It happens.
These are the things I miss the most  right now:

• Diet Pepsi
• Caffeine
• My lap
• My balance
• My bony feet and ankles
• Sleeping without being kicked in the lungs (I'll trade that for not sleeping at all soon, I realize)
• Pants that don't have to come up to my armpits
• Underwear that fits
• Shoes other than flip-flops
• Energy to do anything

But to be fair and positive, I'll end with my favorite things about being pregnant:

• Excitement of a new baby coming.
• Having an excuse to sit down wherever I go. 
• An excuse as to why my house is a wreck.
• Feeling him move (most of the time, see above)
• Not worrying about if my belly looks fat. 

Phew. That wore me out. 

A letter to my son...

Dear Max,
     Hey buddy. I am excited about meeting you in about 12 weeks. While I have a few brain cells that still seem to be working, I thought I'd tell you a few things that one day, a long time from now when you're older, I'll actually share with you.

• You are a miracle. All babies are, of course, but I am more aware of it this time. You have a brother (could be a sister, but we'll stick with brother for pronoun convenience) up in Heaven who we haven't had the chance to meet yet. However, before he left, he taught me how fragile and precious life is, even when you're no bigger than a teardrop.  So when Daddy and I found out you were on your way, we did not take that for granted.
• I told God I didn't think I could handle a boy. The boys in our family weren't exactly easy, laid-back, cookie cutter kids (sorry guys, but it's true). I guess he took this as a challenge, because here you come! When your sister was coming, I knew I had a lot to learn, but at least I had the princess/pink background covered. Honestly, I don't know anything about raising a boy. I would get a book, but they tend to make me feel bad about myself, so I'm hoping it's okay with you if I just wing it.
• You will need to learn sarcasm, humor, and flexibility early on to survive in this family. And knowing a few Disney songs will make the ride more enjoyable, and will make your sister accept you a little quicker.
• Your Daddy came up with your awesome name. I approved. General/Gladiator Maximus Decimus Meridius is about the manliest man you'll find in any movie. I insisted we shortened it to Max, but your dad and various others will no doubt call you Maximus. Take it as an honor. Your middle name, Callahan, is also after a manly man whom your Poppy especially adores, "Dirty" Harry Callahan. Ask Poppy to tell you about his one paper he ever wrote about another Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Tell Grandmother that Callahan is a family name on your dad's side. Just trust me.
• Your Daddy and I love each other very much, and always will. I know, I know, ewwwww. Whatever. Again, just trust me, there will be one day you will be glad of that.

    

Okay, I'm sure there is more, but that seems to cover the high points for now. I promise you that I will do the very best I can to be the best mother for you. At least the God of the universe saw me fit for the job. I suppose we can have faith that he was right! (Remember the sarcasm/humor thing? I told you that you'd need it!)
                                                                                     I love you more than you'll know already!
                                                                                     Mommy