DISCLAIMER:

 
     This started as a preface to a blog I started to write, but then it turned into enough of an entry itself. The entry that inspired this will come later.
      Here's a big fat unsurprising disclaimer: I'm not a theologian.  I took one required religion class in college that only briefly mentioned Christianity. My validity as a spiritual leader of any sort is only backed by 20 (almost 30, *gasp*) some-odd years of listening to a handful of preachers and many Sunday School teachers, debating scripture with friends, sporadic (at best) personal study, and things I've heard from the I AM Himself (and trust me, I don't take that lightly).   
      That being said, the posts I write are simply what I draw from scripture and how it applies to my life. As was in many cases in my AP English classes, I may perceive them in some way that is off from how they were perhaps originally intended. But perhaps that's how God intended his Word to be. A Davy Jones of sorts.
     I have heard many people say they have read a verse a thousand times, but that 1,001st time they read it, it meant something different. Or that they realized something they never had before. Just like with the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Remember the first time you realized the father was God and YOU were the prodigal? Or the first time you thought about it from the brothers' perspective? Or the first time you considered YOU were the brothers? I believe you hear and see what you need to at that point in your life.
     All this to say that maybe you think how I've interpreted something is wrong. Maybe you're right. Or maybe I'm just a vessel to show a different light on an old idea.

 

Forgetting to Remember

I forget a lot.
I forget why I go into rooms. I forget why I open the refrigerator. I forget "refrigerator" doesn't have a d even though "fridge" does. I forget who I have told stories to already. I forget to give Brynn her allergy medicine. I forget where I know people from. I forget to charge my cellphone, turn on my alarm clock, hang my keys by the door, put gas in my car, and to pack a toothbrush and/or pajamas on almost every vacation I've ever been on (Once, a long time ago before it mattered as much, thankfully, I forgot to pack a bra. Long story.).
Sticky notes are my friends, even though I don't use them as much as I should. (I forget where I put them.) I really am terrible at these little things. I write stuff on my calendar and then forget to look at the calendar. I even have notifications sent to my phone as text messages to do things and if I don't do it RIGHT then, well...you know.
Something that's been bothering me lately though is that I'm forgetting to pray. I mean, I pray quick little prayers throughout the day. If you need me to pray for you, send me an email. I promise I'll pray for you at least once. I am in the habit of praying right then, before I move to the next email. I pray a little on the way to school, until something comes on the radio or down the road that catches my attention. I pray before supper. (Not even great at remembering to bless my food at breakfast and lunch.)
I give myself a little slack. I do have two small children, a husband, and a full-time job that take 99.9% of my active gray matter 24/7. Max is still not exactly on a "schedule" and Brynn's temperament varies as much as southern weather in the winter. Some nights they let me get a good full 5 hours of sleep and other nights I get 2 hour spurts. Hence, some mornings I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5:30, others I'm telling myself I will be fired if I don't roll my hiney out of bed and be in my car in 10 minutes.
I tell myself that if the creator of the universe has time for me, surely I can carve out some time for Him. But even Jesus was never a mommy! Just sayin'! I'm joking. Sort of. But all guilt and excuses aside, I have to find some way to pray ON PURPOSE. Not just when it crosses my mind. Because obviously, I can't count on my mind to remember, "Oh yeah, I need to shut out all other distractions and talk and listen to God." I don't know exactly how to do that yet. Early morning is my best bet, but there's the aforementioned sleep issue. There's night when the kiddos are in bed (assuming they'll stay like that), but I'm always so tired I honestly think I'd fall asleep. As some of you saw in my facebook picture, I don't regularly get alone time, even in the bathroom. I know one day the babies will be older and (maybe) then it will be easier, but it will always have to be on purpose.
So here's my prayer today:
Dear God, help me figure out the best way to make more time for you. Make me see past my excuses and be open to whatever I need to do. Forgive me for when my priorities are out of order. Thank you for loving me all the time, not just every so often when you think about it. Thank you for making me who I am, even when it's frustrating to me and you. Help me always remember to show your love to others by the way I treat them. I love you all the time, even if I forget to say it or show you. Amen.

Revisiting Old, Creating New

How grand that we humans are given a chance to "start over" every January thanks to the arbitrary calendar that hangs on our wall. (If we were going on seasons, shouldn't the new year start when spring starts? Just a thought.)
I was reminded by my dear friend Heather's blog that I had also written my pseudo-resolutions in a blog at the beginning of this year. I was anxious to revisit them. Here, join me.

1. The news does not mention the Mayan calendar relentlessly. (No one knows the hour Jesus is coming back and I'm ready for Him, but it it still makes me nervous, so hush.) Well, media, how did that one go for you? That was more for them than me.

2. The Grant family gets a dog. (Names considered so far are Loula, Tuvok, and Good. Last one was Brynn's input.) CHECK! We got our sweet Fiona. She was already named when we adopted her, and we liked it so we kept it.

3. The Grant family will have another healthy baby on the way. (Note "WILL." I have nothing to tell yet, just to clarify.) CHECK! I was probably already pregnant when I wrote this post. How amazing that I was pregnant and had our precious Max all in one year. I know that happens to a lot of people, but with Brynn being born in April, it was totally different for me. Thank you, God, for granting this resolution!
4. I get back on my FlyLady track with keeping my house clean. Weeelllll...I did really super great with this, thennnn morning sickness happened. Then big ol' preggo belly happened. Then newborn happened. Then going back to work with a preschooler and an infant happened, soooooo......
5. I lose some weight and do healthy stuff like not eat McDonald's every week. (#3 will hopefully interfere with the first part of this one.) Amazingly I only put on about 20 pounds with big boy, and I'm down 32ish pounds from my biggest weigh in with Max in tow, which is less than before I was pregnant with him, so woohoo me!
6. I go back and finish the devotionals I didn't do during my previous Bible study. I did a couple of them. Then I lost the book. Maybe if I had done #4 a little better this one would have worked out.
7. I get some kids OUT of special ed for the first time in my career. Yes! Still working on this one, but I have a list to officially kick out of the system after we go back. I still LOVE my job.
8. I blog at least twice a month. (Once summer hits I'm upping my quota, but for now, I'll be realistic.) So much for realistic. Oh well. I blogged more than I did last year. I think. Who cares. This is just for me and my closest 2 friends anyway, right? ;)

So not too shabby, I'd say. Now for the new ones to visit this time next year.
1. Ye olde obligatory weight loss goal. Like I said, I'm already on the right track. I only gained a half a pound two weeks surrounding Christmas, which is less more less than I can say for previous years. My ultimate goal is to be at my ideal healthiness by the time I turn 30 next year. Hey, I didn't gain all this junk in my trunk in a year, so I'm giving myself a generous deadline. Weight Watchers is great for me.
2. Pray more. I don't mean this as a political statement. I just need to learn to stop being so surprised when God spectacularly answers my prayers. If I do it more, perhaps I'll learn.

3. Take more pictures. (This is Erick's "Don't take any more pictures" face.) Got a cute little easy camera for Christmas. So far so good on capturing the moments. I don't want Max to be totally left out of the photo albums as 2nd children often are.

 4. Final goal: Love myself more. "Ease up on Lacy" is the best advice I've ever been given. I'm going to stop prefacing ideas with, "This may be stupid, but..." and negative self-talk. Or at least try. I'm not going to beat myself up about it if I forget. :)

Let's see how I do. What's a goal of yours this year?

31.5 Week Update

I haven't written lately because of any or all of the following reasons:

• I was too tired.
• I was sleeping.
• I couldn't think.
• I forgot what I wanted to write about.
• I was crying for no apparent reason. 
• I was thinking about doing housework.
• I was too stinking tired.
• I didn't want to bend over to get the computer.
• ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.

What? I dozed off there for a minute.
I have about 8 weeks left to cook this kid before he's all done. I have exact equal feelings of, "Wow, only 8 weeks? I'm not ready. That's really soon." AND "Oh my gosh, I have to waddle around like a cow and function like this for 8 more weeks?! I'll never make it that long!"
It takes so much energy to do anything right now. And I have to go back to work in a week and a half. To my coworkers: I thank you in advance for your understanding. I am going to do my best, though my best is not that great at the moment.  To my students: please be nice. That is all.
I'm enjoying these last weeks of pregnancy as best I can. I have equal feelings as well about this possibly being my last time pregnant. (To answer everyone's question, we haven't decided it this is it or not. We'll see. And on a side note, why is everyone obsessed with asking that? I know you're curious, but keep it to yourself. It's kind of weird.) On one hand, telling me this is the last time I'll be pregnant is like, "Aww, I'll miss the feeling of life growing inside." On the other hand it's like, "THANK YOU! I'M MISERABLE!"
While I am overwhelmingly grateful to be a part of this miracle and would not trade it for the world, anyone who tells you pregnancy is wonderful is LYING. Or more likely, suffering from selective memory loss. It happens.
These are the things I miss the most  right now:

• Diet Pepsi
• Caffeine
• My lap
• My balance
• My bony feet and ankles
• Sleeping without being kicked in the lungs (I'll trade that for not sleeping at all soon, I realize)
• Pants that don't have to come up to my armpits
• Underwear that fits
• Shoes other than flip-flops
• Energy to do anything

But to be fair and positive, I'll end with my favorite things about being pregnant:

• Excitement of a new baby coming.
• Having an excuse to sit down wherever I go. 
• An excuse as to why my house is a wreck.
• Feeling him move (most of the time, see above)
• Not worrying about if my belly looks fat. 

Phew. That wore me out. 

A letter to my son...

Dear Max,
     Hey buddy. I am excited about meeting you in about 12 weeks. While I have a few brain cells that still seem to be working, I thought I'd tell you a few things that one day, a long time from now when you're older, I'll actually share with you.

• You are a miracle. All babies are, of course, but I am more aware of it this time. You have a brother (could be a sister, but we'll stick with brother for pronoun convenience) up in Heaven who we haven't had the chance to meet yet. However, before he left, he taught me how fragile and precious life is, even when you're no bigger than a teardrop.  So when Daddy and I found out you were on your way, we did not take that for granted.
• I told God I didn't think I could handle a boy. The boys in our family weren't exactly easy, laid-back, cookie cutter kids (sorry guys, but it's true). I guess he took this as a challenge, because here you come! When your sister was coming, I knew I had a lot to learn, but at least I had the princess/pink background covered. Honestly, I don't know anything about raising a boy. I would get a book, but they tend to make me feel bad about myself, so I'm hoping it's okay with you if I just wing it.
• You will need to learn sarcasm, humor, and flexibility early on to survive in this family. And knowing a few Disney songs will make the ride more enjoyable, and will make your sister accept you a little quicker.
• Your Daddy came up with your awesome name. I approved. General/Gladiator Maximus Decimus Meridius is about the manliest man you'll find in any movie. I insisted we shortened it to Max, but your dad and various others will no doubt call you Maximus. Take it as an honor. Your middle name, Callahan, is also after a manly man whom your Poppy especially adores, "Dirty" Harry Callahan. Ask Poppy to tell you about his one paper he ever wrote about another Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Tell Grandmother that Callahan is a family name on your dad's side. Just trust me.
• Your Daddy and I love each other very much, and always will. I know, I know, ewwwww. Whatever. Again, just trust me, there will be one day you will be glad of that.

    

Okay, I'm sure there is more, but that seems to cover the high points for now. I promise you that I will do the very best I can to be the best mother for you. At least the God of the universe saw me fit for the job. I suppose we can have faith that he was right! (Remember the sarcasm/humor thing? I told you that you'd need it!)
                                                                                     I love you more than you'll know already!
                                                                                     Mommy

A post about nothing

So if you read my post yesterday, I seemed pretty with it, right? (At least I'm trusting that I didn't have any blaring typos or anything since my diligent husband read it.) I was feeling all great about myself at that point.
     However, about an hour or two later, to my chagrin I discovered an epic fail of my brain (yet again). Some of my friends read recently that I put toothpaste in my contact case and found clean glasses in the refrigerator. I just call that absentmindedness. I'm not sure what this can be called. Let me start from the beginning.
     In my valiant quest to be "temporary SAHM elite" I planned our menu for this week on Sunday. I have a little notebook in which I wrote the meal and the book and page number with the recipe. This week, as are most weeks I actually cook from a book, is Rachael Ray week. On Tuesday Brynn and I went to the grocery store, list in hand via a new organizing list app on my iPod, and even a few coupons (which I haven't managed to use since last summer). Let me eliminate a couple of variables.
1) Brynn has become an amazing grocery shopper. I can't imagine why. There is no reason a 3-year-old should behave as well as she does in the grocery store. She helps me, stays right with me, and doesn't complain or beg. So I can't blame this incident on her.
2) This was literally the first thing I put in my buggy, so it wasn't like I was tired or rushing to leave or anything like that. If any thing I wasn't "warmed up" yet.

      On my list I had "Gruyere Cheese." I had no idea what color, shape, texture, or smell this cheese had. I knew it was for a chicken cordon bleu recipe, so it was probably white, and I knew where exotic cheeses are in Bilo. But that's it. I found it rather quickly. However, this was right beside it.

  For some reason, my feeble little pregnant brain thought these said the same thing. I don't know if the shiny apple sticker distracted me, I liked circles better than squares that day, or if it was because there was only one gouda left beside the pile of gruyere and it seemed special. For whatever reason, I stared at these two with one in each hand for a LOOOOOONG time (Brynn was looking at cupcakes or something) and the ONLY difference I could see was circle vs. square. 
    And I teach children. And people pay me to do so.
     This kid sucking all the life and intelligence out of me better be smart is all I gotta say. Next time I'm going to ask Brynn what the difference is if I get confused again.
     Oh, and if you were wondering, the chicken cordon bleu may not have been authentic, but it was delicious even with the gouda.

Phew!

Okay, so it's day 1 of "official" summer break (my reasoning being that I would have had this weekend off anyway) and I TOTALLY see why my house looks the way it does during the school year. I worked out a plan of action before school was out with the help of FlyLady.net and some other resources, and have tried to implement those habits already.
Here are the main ones I have focused on:
1. Putting dirty dishes directly in the dishwasher that can be washed in there.
2. Hand-washing remaining dishes every night (and putting them away) and running the dishwasher every night.
3. Emptying the dishwasher every morning.
4. When I wash and dry a load of laundry, put it up in the same day.
(Notice the acronym "phew!" That was totally not on purpose, except that I went back and added "hand" to number two when I noticed how close it was to being awesomely cheesy.)
I don't know how "normal" people react to these goals of mine. I imagine some of you Cleanies are thinking, "Yeah, duh, you slob. You don't do that all the time?" However, this has been very difficult for me! These are not yet habits and take a lot of self-discipline to keep going. I have to confess even last night (day 3 of this plan) there was a pan in the sink I didn't wash. It wasn't even that dirty, I just decided one pan wasn't worth washing before I went to bed.
It is nice though, because by doing these things regularly, I have been able to do other things around the house too. We are working on cleaning the garage out. We have made a small dent so far, but I KNOW I'm not the only one with garage woes. Before, whenever I had the energy left to do housework, it had to be put into catching up on the mountains of dishes and laundry.
One tip I read about keeping a neater house said to do a load of laundry every 5 days. Excuse me? Maybe if I lived by myself. Maybe when I get caught up I don't have to do a load every day to keep it within reason, but it's day 4, and I have at least 3 more loads I could do today, so by the time I get those done, doing one a day, I'm guessing another one will be waiting on me. (And I'm adding a little boy to this mix!)
I am extremely satisfied with how I'm doing so far, but seriously, it's a full time job on it's own when you throw in preparing 3 meals a day, caring for a vibrant 3 year old, doing regular errandy-type things, and trying to have fun somewhere in there.
I have never said that SAHM's have it easy, I'm not trying to say a point has been proven. My point is that other than the 3 meals a day thing (I do good to fix my own first two and supper when school is in) I'm still supposed to be doing all this other stuff while working 8+ hours a day. When school starts back I'm going to read this again and remind myself that I do a pretty darn good job considering what is expected of me! Kudos to wives and moms everywhere!