Brynn's new bath seat

"What did you put on my head, Mommy?"

"What is all this stuff?"

"Tastes funny."

A difficult week...

I hate the first couple of weeks of school. I really do. No sugar coating it. I hate teaching rules and routines, I hate having to be extra strict, I hate adjusting to a new schedule. I have hated it since first grade. (In Kindergarten I didn't know any better.)
It has been quadrupally hard having my sweet Brynnie at home waiting on me. I haven't been home before 4:30 any day this week. (Today I got my hair cut so it wasn't all school's fault.) To corporate working moms that doesn't sound weird I guess, but I was planning on being home by 3:30 except on faculty meeting days.
After genuinely enjoying last week, I thought I would be okay. However, I have missed my baby terribly. I ache in the morning when I rub her sweet head and know I won't see her for at least 8 hours. I know I'm doing what God needs me to do right now, but does it have to be so hard?
I will manage. I'm glad I'm spreading my love to 10 (soon to be 11) more children who are happy to be around me (most of the time.) It will get easier. I just hope it's soon. (Sorry for all the parentheses. My 9th grade English teacher Mr. Cannon would be ashamed.)

An unexpected fear...

Today I worried that I was forgetting about Brynn. I would get really involved in my work and suddenly remember I had a daughter. How weird does that sound?
I've never had someone who depended on me completely, so I've never had anyone to be concerned about while I'm away. Brynn is safer with her Grammy than I am at school, so that's not an issue. But that sneaky guilt still pops up. Why?
I have to do my best at work when I'm there, and that doesn't make me a bad mom. Quite the opposite. I'm a good role model and a provider. While being those things, I can't think about her constantly. Is it okay to let go a little?

First Day as a Working Mom

Well, in spite of a panic attack (totally needed a paper bag) last night, I managed to get a few hours of sleep and get up at 6:00 this morning. I was so confused when the alarm went off. My only alarm has been my daughter's grunts and whines for more than 120 days.
I don't deal with change well as it is, but this was huge. I went from one full-time job to two. I went from having one child to 11. (They're still mine in a way.) I had to switch roles today. Identities really. At home I'm Lacy, as soon as I get to Duncan I'm Mrs. Grant. They really are different people. Now at home I'm Lacy and Mommy, so it was even harder to switch.
I made it through. I was very bitter at the beginning of the day. I didn't want to tell people I was fine. I didn't want to tell people I wasn't glad to be back. I didn't want anyone to talk to me at all. Once a few of my pricklies fell off I realized how much everyone at school cares about me and that they could help if I let them.
I'm not saying I'm all hunky dunky already, but I'm getting there. Perhaps this blog's new purpose will be to document this adventure.

Good things about going back to school

Okay, I'm reaching here. In my quest for positive thinking, I'm going to make a list of the positives I can think of for going back to school. If you can add any, please do.

1. I'll get a normal paycheck again. (I've had a lesser one for the past 4 months because of my maternity leave.)
2. I'll have 10 more kids to love on every day.
3. I'll have 10 more kids to give me (some) love every day.
4. More adult contact.
*Note: I'm having a very hard time not also putting cons and sarcastic comments*
5. Professional and personal development.
6. I'll enjoy my time with Brynn even more.
7. I'll be using my gift.
8. More time to listen to the radio on my drive. (Stretching it aren't I?)
9. Ummm, did I mention the paycheck?
10. I'll get more exercise.
11. I'll feel more productive (maybe).
12. New funny stories to tell.

Let me know what you think of!

Humor in funerals

I just reviewed my Facebook friend list to make sure no one involved in these stories is related, but just to be safe the only names mentioned will be Erick, my husband, and Adam, my brother-in-law--for my own protection. These are just too funny to keep to myself. Thank God for the laughs we can have in the midst of sadness.

From a past funeral:
A lady with a red bouf came through the line and shook Erick, my brother-in-law, and my hand and told each of us, "I used to be part of the family." After she walked off I asked them who she was, and they had no idea! How kind of her to bring the chip on her shoulder to give us her condolences.

These are from tonight:

• An old lady was trying to sort out the line of Grandmother's relatives (no one can seem to keep my husband and his brother straight). She pointed to Adam and said, "I saw you at the hospital," then turned to Erick and said,"but you....you got married." It's all my fault I guess. When she waslked off, Erick's cousin told me that she was also the one who brought a half-eaten, half-iced cake to the house. I'm wondering if we should get this lady some help.
• Poor Erick, one man told him three times, "Boy you've CHANGED a lot since I saw you last," while clearly staring at his stomach. As he was walking off, he was mumbling to his wife, "I told Erick he had gained some weight since I saw him!" Good for you, buddy. Good for you.
  
• Another distant relative came to Grandmother's house to visit. He came in, sat down, looked at Erick's aunt and said, "I have a tumor." Insert awkward pause and some staring. She responded, "I'm sorry." He replied,"Ooooh, it's benign. I'm fine," with a dismissing wave of his hand. Are we competing with the cancer in the next room? Thanks for that.
• As an illustration of the Erick/Adam confusion, one man passed Erick and I with quizzical looks and got to Adam, "Well I know who you are, Erick!" Adam didn't bother to correct him.

I know there is nothing right to say at a funeral, but there certainly are wrong things to say. I guess one day you just get to old to know the difference (or care). Please share if you have any funny funeral moments. I can't be the only one with a nutty family.

Why I don't make to do lists...

It started this morning in the shower. This is actually what went through my head, minus a few more.

TO DO:
1. Take off old shower curtain liner/put on new one.
2. Change razor blade.
3. Ugh. Lose 50 pounds and read up on stretch mark creams to check if they are all junk.
4. Be more positive.
5. Wash towels.
6. Clean counter.
7. Put on makeup.
8. Remember to wear sunscreen every day.
9. Start shopping for school supplies.
10. Plan how to balance teaching and mommyhood.
11. Stop crying and stressing about balancing teaching and mommyhood.
12. Refill anxiety medication.
13. Get some chocolate while at the drug store.
14. Scratch off #13 because it contradicts #3. But then again it supports #11 and #4. Ack!
15. Never ever make a to do list again.