A Blessing a day...or at least more often than not

A while back I was at a cutesy little store with this tiny journal called "mom's memories" or something, with a place to write one memory of something your kid does every day for 5 years. Awesome! I had to have it. $20??! Seriously???

So instead of buying it, I decided to instead go home and use an empty journal I already had to do the same thing for cheap. So I went home and that night...did nothing. Here I am like a year later with "I've got to write that down"s floating in my head.

It has been two months ago today that my second baby has gone to Heaven. In that time I have come a long way, though my grieving is seemingly far from over. I sang Laura Story's "Blessings" Sunday at church, and that combined with a God-inspired worship focus from a friend reminded me that God has continued to bless me, even though I haven't appreciated them.

I don't think He expected me to.

I'll be honest. Church has been really really hard since losing my baby. I do okay through the week and then leave church feeling depressed to the point that I'm paralyzed the rest of the day. I thought God and I were on speaking terms again, but I think I was just able to be in the same room, but not ready to listen yet to anything He had to say. My feelings a couple of weeks ago at church reminded me of having a boyfriend who did something really dumb trying desperately to win me back. Realizing that actually made me stop and think.

God wanted me back.

I couldn't sing the words myself, but the song "Oh How He Loves You and Me" flooded me with emotions. He gave His life. What more could He give? I realized then that God knew what it felt like to lose a child. He did know what I was going through, and He had already done everything He could do to earn my trust back. He was just waiting patiently for me to come around. He was not mad at me, just sad with me.

Not that I left church feeling all better, but I was getting there. I did feel like I was understanding more how it could be true that God didn't allow or cause my child to die. I believe it was just the corruption of the world and free-will and all that...whatever. But God is there. Heart breaking with me.

So back to my main point...my new goal is to post a blessing a day. Or at least more often than not.

Thankfully I have more than one today, since I need to catch up.
1. I am able to share this with you and really believe I am getting better.
2. I had an awesome morning out with my sweet girl. We went to the library, McDonald's, and painting at Hearts of Clay. She is learning so much so fast, which means she is also well behaved more often than not!
3. Brynn is down to 1 or fewer accidents a day after a week and a half of potty training. SUCH a blessing!
4. I am actually kind of excited about school starting, I'm planning on a great year with my new position. It feels like a fresh start.

Thanks for reading. :)