Recovering.

As usual, I doubt there are any guys left in my blogging audience, but just be warned if there are, I am trying to be really honest on here. It may take me a day to admit it, but here it is. I had a terrible eating night yesterday. Brynn took about 2 hours, 4 bathroom trips, 3 meltdowns, 1 dose of medicine, and a thousand hugs and kisses to get to sleep last night. So my running time was down the toilet. So was my composure. I lost it once she had been quiet for a few minutes. I mean curled up in Erick's lap in the fetal position lost it. (Hormones probably had something to do with it to, but that doesn't make it less real.)
So what did I do to recover? I self-medicated. With frozen Greek yogurt and pita crackers. (Apparently was really into the Greek theme.) The stupid thing was the crackers weren't even very good. They needed some hummus. Or peanut butter. Or something. Then, as if that weren't enough, I had a couple of cookies that for some sabotaging reason I made a couple of days ago. Did that make me feel better? Well, it made me feel nothing. Which was exactly what I wanted. I didn't want to feel anything anymore for a little while.
But this morning I felt GUILTY. I mean I didn't even sleep well last night, and I think that's why. As I covered in an earlier entry, why isn't this enough reason to keep from binging the next time? I DON'T KNOW. It makes me so ashamed! It's embarrassing to lose control like that.
So my steps I've taken today to recover and get back on track:

• Pray for forgiveness for my gluttony. 
• Forgive myself and try to move on. (I'm still working on this one.)
• Get up and go for a run. (I do believe this is the first time in my LIFE I've started exercising before 7 a.m.)
• Have a good breakfast and plan what I'll eat the rest of today.

I  made the mistake of getting on the scale this morning and it did not say what I wanted it to. (After last night, duh.) But I've got to let that go. (And maybe smash my scale and forget about it.)
 That's all I can do. I can't change last night. I can control today.