Why I'm running...

So proud of my run last night. I broke through my fear of running near civilization and passed two people out of vehicles. I tried to smile, but I'm not sure if it ended up looking like a smile or not. A lady taking a stroll with her beautiful cocker spaniel gave me what I interpreted as a "Are you alright?" smile back so I began doubting that I looked as friendly as I was trying to.
I amused myself afterward reflecting on the things that were going through my mind that helped me keep going as I ran more at one time than I ever have. (Attention: The 4th one is a little personal.)

• I'm going to die. No you're not, Lacy. But I could. But you're not.
• I can't breathe. Yes you can, slow down. No I can't. Yes you can. Focus.
• I'm going to pass out and no one is going to know who I am or where I came from. No you're not. Breathe.
• I'm going to pee on myself. So what else is new? You do every time you sneeze. Get over it.
• My house is a billion miles away. That's ridiculous. You couldn't see it if it were a billion miles away. 
• I can't believe I'm doing this. Am I crazy? I'm not an athlete and never claimed to be. Well, it's about time. 

I'm really proud of myself for purple voice winning. When I got back almost immediately Brynn started calling me. I had Erick go to her room since I couldn't speak at the time, but after her potty trip I came to her. 
Are you sweaty? She asked.
Yes, very. I was exercising.
Were you running, Mommy?
Yes I was.
Why?
So I can be healthy and play with you and Max and take good care of you.

The look she gave me when I said was priceless.  That's what I'll think of next time I run. Forget trying to get my pre-baby body back (which wasn't that great anyway, except for the missing tiger stripes and tighter stomach skin). What I told Brynn is true, and I hope she'll remember that for a long while, especially when the inevitable day comes when she realizes the importance of being thin in this society. 
Don't get me wrong, I'm not being high and mighty. Lord knows I want to be thin. I want my clothes to look and feel better. But the bottom line is taking care of my babies is my life's work. And I need a body that will let me carry that out without popping buttons and huffing and puffing. 
So, I'm running.